


And When The Fog's Over

by Kolivans (arka_r)



Series: tumblr drabbles [18]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Ficlet, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Polyamory, Post-Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2019-01-09 01:44:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12266346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arka_r/pseuds/Kolivans
Summary: When the battle against Zarkon was over and the Castle wormholed away to safety, Keith came to the horrible realization that he lost two of his mates in a single day.Based onthis promptby flufflyneko





	And When The Fog's Over

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nekora](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nekora/gifts).



> this got wayyyy too long whoops. i was having so much fun with this prompt.

Keith walked down the Black Lion ramp, still numb. People were surrounding him, crowding him, and Keith felt like he was  _ drowning _ , his ears barely could hear muttered condolences. He didn’t want them, they sounded like empty promises, and he refused to believe that Shiro was— 

 

_ Gone _ — Shiro was  _ gone _ , disappeared from the Black Lion.  _ No _ , Keith’s mind screamed.  _ There has to be an explanation! _

 

But there wasn’t. Not even Allura could explain what was happening. And suddenly, Keith was alone, familiar hands guiding him— no, he wasn’t alone. Kolivan was there, Keith recognized the weight of their hand on his shoulder.

 

Blinking away unshed tears, Keith’s eyes focused on Kolivan’s face, weary from battle and peppered with various bruises. There was an indescribable expression in their eyes as they explained, slowly, about what happened to Antok.

 

_ No _ . Not Antok too.

 

All his life, everyone who were close to him left or disappeared. His mom who he never fully remembered. His dad. Shiro, twice.  _ Abandonment issue _ , one of his foster parents said.  _ He was pushing everyone away _ , the other foster parent said. 

 

It was easier to never get close to anyone because he knew that eventually they would  _ leave _ .

 

It felt like invisible walls came closing in, squeezing him, and Keith found it was hard to breathe. No, it wasn’t the wall, Keith realized. It was Kolivan, who was hugging him close to their chest— Kolivan was still here. Kolivan wasn’t gone like his parents or Shiro. Kolivan was still alive, their heart was still beating.

 

And Kolivan was making these… tiny distressed noises, like part-chirp, part-hiccup, part-whine. It was confusing and yet sounded so sad. They kept pressing the tip of their nose to Keith’s hair and their shoulders shook, and Keith was hit by the realization that Kolivan was  _ crying _ , in a way Galra people cried without tears. 

 

_ Kolivan lost Antok and Shiro too _ . Worse yet, Kolivan watched Antok  _ die _ .

 

Keith clung tighter to Kolivan. He was so  _ scared _ — for the first time since starting this whole war against Zarkon and the Empire, he  _ actually _ felt scared. He wasn’t even this scared when he and Shiro were stranded together, because he  _ knew _ , back then, deep in his heart that he could save Shiro somehow. 

 

But right now?

 

Right now, Kolivan was all he had and— Keith  _ knew _ , okay, about how dangerous their life being the Leader of the Blade, watched  _ two _ of their members gave up their lives for Voltron. But he didn’t want to lose Kolivan  _ too _ . A selfish part of him wanted to keep Kolivan safe, away from danger, away from the war. 

 

It started with tiny hiccups, which soon turned into breathless sobs. Then, before he could stop it, he pressed his face to Kolivan’s chest and cried even harder. It felt like a dam breaking and vaguely he heard the noises that Kolivan made reached a higher pitch.

 

Keith didn’t know how long both of them were crying, clinging to each other as if their lives depended on it. Keith had his arms around Kolivan’s chest protectively, as if he could prevent the older Galra from disappearing— like his mom, his dad, Shiro, and Antok.

 

Eventually, the exhaustion started to seep deep into his bones and he could only lay limply on Kolivan’s lap, pressing the tip of his nose to the crook of their neck.

 

Nuzzling just felt so… natural to Keith. It was a way to give comfort to others, but he never realized that it was alien— _ Galran _ in nature, at least not until Antok explained it to him. Thinking about Antok, tears began to flow freely down his cheeks once again.

 

“Let’s get you out of your armor”, Kolivan whispered into his ears and waited until Keith gave a weak nod.

 

Taking off his armor felt soothing in its familiarity. It didn’t take long until Keith was stripped bare, the pieces of his armor lying haphazardly on the floor along with his undersuit. Kolivan’s fingers gently tracing over the faint branching redness on his skin, traveling up from his hands and to the center of his chest.

 

“When Voltron was hit by Komar, I— no,  _ we _ thought we lost you”, Kolivan said, their voice sad. “I… I’ve seen with my eyes what happened when Komar sucked quintessence out of a planet. It was horrific… Quintessence is  _ life _ . You cannot live without it.”

 

Keith shut his eyes and shuddered. It did seem so scary back then— feeling as if his very being, his  _ soul _ , was  _ ripped _ away from his flesh. He didn’t know how he  _ survived _ that, even continued to fight after that. Hearing what Kolivan said… it seemed that he wasn’t  _ meant _ to survive it.

 

Maybe that was what happened to Shiro. Maybe all of them were living in a borrowed time, now.

 

“I didn’t mean to upset you”, Kolivan whispered again, their fingers tracing the tear tracks on Keith’s cheek so  _ very _ gently, as if afraid that he might break. Keith bit his lips, unused to the gentleness, before swallowing the lump in his throat.

 

“Let me help you with your armor too”, he said.

 

“You don’t have to. I can do it myself”, Kolivan answered almost immediately.

 

“I want to”, Keith replied, voice firm. 

 

After all, they only had each other now.

 

It took Keith awhile to figure out the clasps and buckles on Kolivan’s outfit, but Kolivan was patient, guiding Keith’s hands whenever necessary. The robe went off first, followed by the vambraces, the pauldrons, and the knee braces. Then, the chestplate went off in two parts, before Keith went to Kolivan’s back and began to unzip their undersuit.

 

The gesture felt so intimate that Keith couldn’t help but blush. When Kolivan’s bare back came into view, Keith traced his fingers on the red stripes on the blue fur. The stripes reminded him of a tiger stripes— not that Keith had ever seen one up close and personal.

 

When Kolivan hissed, Keith pulled his hand away. “Sorry.”

 

“It’s okay”, Kolivan said, giving him a rare smile. “It aches a little.”

 

Of course, Kolivan fought hand-on-hand combat while Keith fought in the safety of his lion— of course they would be hurting more than him. 

 

“Want me to rub healing salve?” Keith asked.

 

“Mm. Maybe after shower?”

 

Keith helped Kolivan to put on a shower robe, putting one on himself, before heading to the shower room down the hallway. Thankfully, it was empty, though the floor was still wet. Both of them took one of the stalls and locked the door.

 

Water shower felt  _ really _ good right now and Keith silently thanked Hunk and Lance for insisting on water shower instead of the Castle’s standard sonic shower. Kolivan had to sit down so Keith could help them get the water into their thick undercoat. 

 

Once Kolivan’s fur was properly soaked, Keith dumped a load of soap and began to lather it, starting from the scarred shoulders— all while occasionally stealing kisses that made their ears flick happily. It was so adorable.

 

But then it was all done too soon, and Keith dried both of them up. Kolivan stole one last kiss from Keith before turning, hair still down from the shower. “Antok, can you—”

 

Keith felt like someone had punched him in the gut, knocking air out of his lungs. For the first time tonight, when he wasn’t blinded by his own tears, he  _ actually _ saw just how distraught Kolivan was— ears drooping and eyebrows furrowing. Their shoulder began to shake and Keith placed his hand there.

 

“Let me help”, he said, hoping that it was steady enough. It seemed to pierce through whatever fog in Kolivan’s mind, though, and the shaking seemed to lessen. 

 

Slowly— so  _ very _ slowly —they turned back to face him, before giving him a silent nod.

 

Keith worked in utter silence, drying Kolivan’s hair while brushing it down, untangling the knots gently one by one. When Kolivan began to purr, he took that as a win and switched the brush in his hand with the one for body grooming. By the time he was done, Kolivan’s fur shone and the floor was covered in white, blue, and red fur.

 

Kolivan tied their hair in a simple ponytail and while the hairstyle change looked a bit jarring, it made them look  _ younger _ . An idea suddenly popped in Keith’s head and he put his hair up in a ponytail too, hugging their arm as both of them walked back to their shared room.

 

Keith tried not to think about how the room lacked two of its usual occupants, or how it was so  _ quiet _ without a certain someone’s thundering footsteps. He tried not to think about the stark absence pressing down on him like compressed air, and instead focused on Kolivan— Kolivan’s warmth under his fingers as he spread the healing salve across their body, Kolivan’s hitched breath whenever he managed to hit another unseen bruise under their fur, Kolivan, Kolivan, Kolivan—

 

“Let me help”, Kolivan said, hand grabbing Keith’s own shaking hand, and Keith belatedly realized that they were returning his words back to him.

 

Numbly, Keith nodded, and Kolivan began to spread the cool healing salve on the redness on his skin.

 

Lichtenberg figures, the word suddenly popped in his head. The redness on his skin looked exactly like Lichtenberg figures and Keith briefly wondered if he somehow got struck by electrical discharge from Voltron when Komar struck it. 

 

He wondered if this might affect his performance to pilot the Lion. The healing salve didn’t seem to do anything to lessen the redness or the shaking on his hands. Maybe Kolivan was right— he wasn’t meant to survive it.

 

He didn’t want to think about it right now.

 

Discarding the shower robes, both of them quietly changed into loose clothes— Kolivan was wearing Antok’s shirt, Keith noticed, so he opted to wear Shiro’s. Finally, Keith dropped to the nest bed, feeling boneless, and Kolivan lied down next to him, curling around him protectively.

 

The nest bed felt too big for both of them.

 

“It’s not the first time I lost a mate”, Kolivan said, breaking the silence.

 

“Is it getting any easier?” Keith asked, though somewhat he already knew the answer.

 

“No.”

 

Keith snuggled closer to Kolivan, closing the gap between them even more. He could hear their heart beating in their chest and steeled his resolve.

 

“Shiro is out there. I  _ know _ he is”, he said. “I’ll look for him tomorrow. I’ll bring him back home.”

 

Kolivan was quiet for the longest time, and Keith could feel doubt came unspoken. It shook him a little, but he refused to give up on Shiro.

 

“I’ll help you in any way I can”, Kolivan eventually said. Keith tilted his head a bit and saw similar resolve in their eyes, strong and determined. At least Kolivan trusted him.

 

That was enough for him.

**Author's Note:**

> pssst, go check [my tumblr](https://xblackpaladin.tumblr.com/)


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